Apple of my eye, my little munchkin, my guddu, mera raja beta, Indian mums are gung ho about their son. They love their daughters equally but the sense of pride they feel with a son is unparalleled!
Even when a foot taller, bearded and trying hard to be all macho, he has a task cut for him, protecting his cheek from doting kisses of a fawning mother.
If it would only stop at kisses! Nope, Sir! Mother hens go overboard in fawning over their offsprings. They get fixated on their male progenies like anything. From his nursery days till school and college, Indian mothers hover around their sons obsessively.
They love it when their daughters consider them their centre of world but their hearts swell with immense pride when their sons inform, discuss, consult on even the most inconsequential stuff in life. If per chance the little guy fails to do so, he is chastised in no uncertain terms about his lack of reverance for Mother superior, the nomenclature made to order for mothers in India.
Most of the time, mothers even get to select a wife for their ‘aankhon ka tara’. They sift, scan and finalise a demure simpleton for him. But behold! In just a few weeks and she transforms into a femme fatale, twisting their dear boy around her delicate finger. They mistrust this intruder but are helpless. They are infact asked to grin and welcome this interpolar. They do so grudgingly with a plastic smile, putting up a charade of warmth while secretly determined not to let a ‘stranger’ usurp their dearest and most precious possession. They swear to stamp their authority in their sons’ lives in the most aggressive and intrusive manner possible.
Thus starts the interference and control of son’s life. She is the Mommy and Mommy always know best, or so it is claimed. Hence her conception of ‘best’ imposes and infringes upon the personal life and space of her son. She never learns to take a back seat. Privacy and independence are alien terms to you. So she continues with her controlling act and the tussle for ‘power base’ – with her holding it back and the children pulling it with all their might – continues unabated lifelong. That unfortunately is the sorry state of affairs in many a household in India.
This dominance of the Queen Mother is nowhere more defined and established as it’s in India. From Shravan Kumar who carried his blind parents on his shoulders to Ramji who abdicated his rightful inheritance to do his stepmother’s unjustified bidding, the mum-son equation is paramount in the scheme of things that make the family-structure function seamlessly.
The birth of a son is a major achievement in a woman’s life, across all classes of indian society. It is a trophy or a distinction which accords a superior status to women automatically. Naturally enough, they are most reluctant to hand over this trophy to the next generation.
Fortunately for Generation X, the influx of globalisation and the emergence of nuclear families as a natural corollary of the same, is facilitating a less acrimonious change of guard. The most pious relationship in the world is getting redefined and realigned in sync with the shift in new age thinking and philosophy of “Love me? Let me loose!!”
You mommy dearest have to learn to loosen the strings of possessiveness because only then mutual respect will grow leading to a wholesome, deep relationship between you and your children.
No comments:
Post a Comment