Tradition vs Outdated, Faith vs Regressive, the debate rages on!
Mrs X is your average middle-class married Indian woman with 2 kids. She is a traditional lady with her family being her first priority in life. Every year she keeps the karva chauth fast for her husband’s long life. She does it quietly and solemnly by performing all the rituals painstakingly, having no time or inclination to share it on social media.
Mrs. Y is at the other end of spectrum. Her designer sari and choli, mehndi, bangles, jewellery etc. do a full circuit round of whatsapp groups before being used for the purported intent. Whether her husband’s lifespan increases or not but his bank balance definitely gets a dent. Not that he minds much. Indian men are indoctrinated since childhood to lap up the female attention showered upon them by their mother and wife.
The age old traditions and rituals are being redefined in the present context of blatant showmanship and high pitched consumerism. Every custom or fast which has been practiced for eons in an understated manner is now assuming larger than life, glamorous levels. Majority of married women, who observe fast for the well-being and long life of their husbands make sure that the world knows about it. The overt, glitzy display of a deeply personal practise has fast become the norm .
In an extreme contrast, we have a significant number of females who deem the k-c ritual as regressive, misogynist and a spoke in the fast moving cart of women empowerment. They feel that women are undermining their sense of worth by placing Men on a pedestal and keeping a difficult fast for him, indirectly deitifying him. Spate of such articles are flooding the social media tinged with disdain and contempt for women observing this fast.
There is, in essence, a tug of war between the high priestesses of k-c batting for the commoditization of a deeply embedded belief, and the firebrand feminists determine to let go of all the rituals they deem unfit or irrelevant in times when relationships are transitory and the power-balance between male and female is witnessing a paradigm shift.
I speak for no one else but myself for i firmly believe in the adage of ‘to each his own’. As per me, the choice to keep or not keep k-c should be a wife’s prerogative. If it makes her happy doing the whole dance-drama-fast routine, let her have her fun. No need to be condescending towards the festival or the rituals, overrated or over indulged they might be at times.
Simultaneously, those wives who are happy bypassing the k-c, needn’t adopt a high-handed approach as much as I wish that those fasting ‘nirjala’ stop assuming a higher moral ground than those who don’t.
Any belief, which cements the marital bond can never be regressive for society. I must add that the fast per se doesn’t require going the extra mile. The exorbitantly priced saris or jewellery, elaborate makeup and mehendi routine are not mandatory pre requisites. They are done more for pleasure than any actual requirement.
And men I know you all love being pampered by the women in your lives. Whether its your mum who fast for your well being or wives who do the same. It boosts your male ego, reinstates your supremacy in marital life, and off you go to sweat it out for the beauty in your life who sacrifices her food and water once pr twice a year for you, so that you remain the provider of the family for the rest of the days.
There’s a little innocence in the custom, lots of faith and an bottomless reservoir of happiness waiting to be tapped by the couple. But then, it has to be out of choice, and the day our society accepts and respects a woman’s choices in life, regardless of it being in tandem or in sharp contrast to the popular mood, will be the red letter day for true women empowerment.
Stay happy ladies,
Make your choice and stick to it.
Just ‘ Be Yourself’.
Afterall, customs cannot define our worth as a person, but our choices can.
