The party was stretching way past midnight. The menfolk were on a high after gulping gallons of alcohol. Their women simpered around, preparing and serving various snacks as well as putting together an elaborate dinner. The kids were fed and sent to sleep. The ladies gossiped and giggled while assiduously cooking a feast for the privileged gender.
Richa, the newly wedded bride of the youngest son of the family yawned repeatedly, unable to stay awake or hungry anymore. She asked her MIL(mother-in-law) hesitantly to take leave after having her dinner. Wide, shocked stares and barely controlled gasps met her desire to eat before the men of the house. Richa's MIL was horrified and embarrassed by her daughter-in-law's blatant display of impropriety.
"Richa beta, how can you eat before Ajay? Also, Papaji, Chachaji, Tauji and Anil Bhaiyya have not eaten yet. You have to be awake to serve them properly! Why don't you eat some more cutlets?"
Richa groaned inwardly, no more ‘aloo’ please! She wanted the painstakingly prepared meal before hitting the bed. She had an early morning meeting and hours of toiling in the kitchen for today's dinner had tired her out. Now this irrational norm that women can't eat before the menfolk of the house was exasperating her.
She quietly went into the kitchen, rolled a kebab (not the aloo cutlet) into a chapati and started eating surreptitiously. The old Maharajin who had helped her prepare dinner asked her to hide in her bedroom lest her mum-in-law saw her. Richa tiptoed to her bedroom, feeling like a thief in her own house.
This is an unspoken but understood norm in Indian families. The women of the house, including the matriarch, either eat along with (if lucky enough) or after the men of the house but never 'before' the men. The 'bahu' is especially relegated into the role of a chef, a waiter and a cleaning lady after dinner is over. This sexist, chauvinistic practice is so ingrained in our psyche that we do nothing to break it. Well-educated women too perpetuate the 'males eating first' practise.
The reason behind this could be that in earlier times men went out to do hard physical labour, earnings were less, hence the best part of the meal went to them with the women eating the leftovers.
Linked to this practical explanation is the 'Annapurna' title bestowed upon housewives, who take it as their 'dharma' to feed everyone in their house before indulging themselves. Highly moralistic, sacrificing nature of Indian women never allows them to put their needs or desires before their hubby, kids and all the elders in the family. No wonder, they are left at the last rung of the ladder in the family hierarchy, ignored and hapless.
The innumerable 'nirjala' (without water) fasts that women keep all year round for the safety and well being of their family (read male members) is considered another feather in their well-adorned 'sanskaari' cap. The fasts are supposed to bring inner strength and sanyam (patience) to overcome one of mankind's 7 sins - Gluttony.
Women's kitty parties, fascination for chaat, sweets etc are always the butt of jokes. Raju Srivastava, the well-known comedian, did a successful stint on 'women eating chaat' for years and made an indecent amount of money mimicking the drooling ladies. Nothing very decent about it although everyone had an unapologetic hearty laugh.
Now, try making fun of a guy wanting a beer and KFC. 'Cool guy' - would most likely be his tag!
So ladies, eat, binge, gorge whatever you want and whenever you want, keeping your schedule and health in mind.
Don't wait for someone to ask you, Hungry kya??
