The Powerful Patriarchy-
Indian society till the 1970s and 1980s was evolving and growing under the heavy umbrella of patriarchy and male chauvinism. The majority of women were housewives ('homemaker' term hadn't been coined till then) and finding an 'acche ghar ka shareef ladka' as a son-in-law was the primary concern of every family with daughters. With marriage being the ultimate goal and trip to destination home 'sasural' being the biggest triumph, nothing else mattered!
Good education, good sanskaar, good knowledge about household affairs, was all that the 'good girls' needed to fit the 'ideal' bahu and ideal wife mould. Once married, they towed the lines and operated within the barriers or rules set up by in-laws and husbands.
Seeking platitudes from elders, being at the beck and call of hubby and kids, running errands, and trying to please everyone all the time took a toll on her and her mental, physical n emotional well-being. Women didn't mind much because they'd seen their mothers lead a similar life and modelling themselves into their mom's mould was indoctrinated since childhood.
The herculean effort to maintain her good wife and bahu image consumed a woman completely till she reached a point where she stopped living for herself and devoted all her time to please others. That's when her self-esteem hit a new low and she resigned to a life of endless compromises and adjustments. To top it all, she was also the favourite punching bag for everyone.
No wonder the lives of women in developing countries have been a series of missed opportunities, suppressed desires and wasted talent. Their degrees burn the shelves, their ambition crucified at the altar of traditions, their individuality crushed to pamper the predominant, prejudiced patriarchal setup! All this in the name of 'hamare sanskaar' (our values).
THE CHANGE...
The rebellion started in 1990's in India with the influx of globalisation and the accompanying changes in lifestyle and mindsets of people. Foreign TV shows depicting women indulging in hitherto male privileges, multiple avenues of career choices, and the gradual dismantling of parental control and reluctance to send daughters out of town for better and higher education, opened an avalanche of opportunities for Indian females.
Girls realised that they can live their lives on their terms. They can call the shots and chart their own destiny. And though marriage still ranks supreme on parents' bucket list, girls have a decisive say in when and who they will choose to marry.
STATUS-QUO REMAINS-
For all the welcome changes and transitions taking place, life after marriage still remains embroiled in the moribund, age-old, irrelevant family diktats. Any expression of dissent to what elders in the family say or command is viewed as insolence and reflects poorly on your upbringing and sanskaar!( That dreaded word again). After all who can argue with 'yeh baal dhoop mein safed nahin kiye hain!'
Similarly, women face discrimination and harassment at workplace from their male counterparts. Their dress sense, their way of functioning, their tussle between prioritising home or office, all is put under radar, to be criticised at will.
I strongly feel there's a dire need to challenge the 'sanskari Ladki' (girl with good moral values) epithet which later transforms into the 'Adarsh Bhartiya nari' tag. This concept is nothing but a myth perpetuated by men since eons and upheld by women as a badge of honour. Millions suffer in the name of ‘sanskaar’ which becomes a means of exploitation of girls by vested interests.
Girls should be imparted practically sustainable values and education to enable them to deploy a good sense of judgment in taking an individual call on issues involving them. Teach them not to tolerate abuse in the name of 'sanskaar'.
The 'paraya dhan' notion needs to be chucked too. The daughter doesn't stop being a daughter after marriage and it's selfish and foolhardy to expect her to renounce her previous familial ties.
Sanskaars shouldn't make you squirm, they should make you smile!
The hallmark of a progressive and matured society is it's level of acceptance and appreciation of its women as competent, thinking individuals, capable of making their own decisions.
The road ahead us is long,
but, we'll get there!!
#HappyWomen'sDay
#RiseAndShine
#LiveByYourOwnRules
